You give me nothing but blank stares.
You have eyes of innocence. You are vulnerable. I owe you this love letter.
I don’t need your permission, so I do as I please.
When I hurt, I force myself upon you. I scar you with angry words, and fill you with projections. When others abuse me, I abuse you. Someone must understand the depths of my pain.
You’ve always understood me best.
When I am content, I neglect you. I forget your worth, and cheat on you. Rebuke me. Criticize me. But, you never say a word.
You stay.
You listen when nobody else will. You are loyal in spite of my transgressions. And yet, you stay, with eyes of innocence and unafraid. You must be a masochist.
You must be. I have killed my darlings. Killed over love. So, either it turns you on, or you are just as crazy as I.
Expecting change, expecting the outcome would be any different when loving me, makes you insane. Our relationship may forever be toxic. But, that’s why we work. That’s why I need you.
You may not love me, but know I love you.
This is my love letter to writing.
Because negative emotions can feel so complex and overwhelming, they derive power. These feelings and their effects then compound.
The practice of articulating my emotions onto a page through writing has become my coping mechanism; this blog is therapeutic. Putting these emotions that appear so complex into words helps dissipate their power.
So, for anyone struggling right now, please write. Sit down with a cup of coffee and explore the roots of your emotions. The page is forgiving and loyal. Foster this relationship.